Taking A Masturbacation

***DISCLAIMER**

Contains sexual content. 

Okay.  So.  Look.  It's like no secret that I haven't had sex in almost 12 years now.  It's not like I started this as something to add to my bucket list.  It just sort of came about on its own. 

Initially it was a rash decision because I have THE. MOST. USELESS. FUCKING. MANDAR. ON. EARTH.  If you put me in a room with a 100 men; the only asshole in the crowd is the one that's attracted to me.  And I've had my fill of mentally bloated, emotionally challenged men in my life. 

However; after the first few months, my hormones kicked in which was rather unusual since I'd gone through the *change* MANY MOONS EARLIER.  I thought I was going to be a recipient of a lifetime supply of KY products before I could ever have sex again. 

So.  Without hesitating.  I started masturbating.  Regularly.  With vigor.  My poor dogs had that look in their eyes that you get when you walk in on someone *doin' the deed* all the time. 

First it was your standard rubbing it out method.  I knew my body well enough to know exactly where to touch and how much pressure to use.  It was quick and relatively satisfying.  But.  After a while.  It wasn't doing the trick.  So.  I started experimenting.  Shower time.  Pillows.  Spin cycle while doing the laundry.  Hell.  I have the greatest fucking kegels on earth.  I can make myself cum just by tensing and releasing!

I knew there were other toys I could look into but; to be honest, I didn't have the nads to walk into one of *those* stores.  Certainly I'm not a prude.  But I am an overweight, unhealthy 53 year old woman who's pretty much open to learning about anything.  And there, as they say, lies the crux of the matter.  I don't mind *learning*.  It's another thing entirely to actually *do* it.  And the thought of walking into one of those stores and buying a vibrator or benwa balls or whatever just sent chills up my spine.  I could imagine the sales clerk thinking "no *wonder* she's buying all this shit".

So.  I checked into the internet and found a website that sends these magnificent little gems through the US mail!  In non-descript, brown paper wrapped little packages that everyone in the fucking world can identify.  I waited at the door every day like some worn out whore waiting for her next John.  The postman was actually beginning to fear me. 

The first thing I bought was a vibrator cleverly disguised as a fucking penis.  I mean.  Really.  Have you seen those ads in the Harriett Carter cataglogs? Showing some woman sweetly rubbing it against her face?  Who's believing that shit? 

Anyway.  I ran upstairs.  Tore off my clothes.  Laid on the bed.  And WENT. TO. TOWN.  I closed my eyes and envisioned some gorgeous man ravaging my body while I gently inserted that beautiful device in my lonely little vagina.  It was magically delicious!  It was heaven!  And I was hooked! 

I bought books on masturbating.  I visited websites.  I amassed a collection of toys that would make Dr Ruth drool.  I wanted to learn every different form of masturbation there was.  I could transport myself almost immediately to some exotic location in my mind to rev up the juices before I started.  I learned how to prolong the ecstasy.  I was becoming so adept at masturbating that I really didn't need a man to complete the deed.  I was damn capable of doing it myself.  And I had toys!

Now.  If you're not masturbating I just have one thing to say to you.  SHAME. ON. YOU!!  And no.  You do *not* have to be single *or* celibate to masturbate.  Every single woman alive should be masturbating.  Even ghostly women (if you're so inclined to believe in spirits) should be masturbating.  It teaches you about your body.  It allows  you to explore the little nooks and crannies that release your desires and bring you to climax.  It teaches you how to have multiple orgasms.  And the more you know about your own body.  The more you can teach your partner.  The whole *touch me there* routine is sexual and pleasing and adds a new dimension to your love making.  Teach your partner how to masturbate.  Masturbate in front of each other.  There is something totally hot about watching your mate pleasure themselves while you watch and pleasure yourself at the same time.  And leave the lights on for chrissakes! 

If God hadn't wanted us to masturbate, He would have given us arms like a Tyrannosaurus Rex.  We start touching ourselves just as soon as we can reach our little bits and pieces.  And do you know why?  Because it feels fucking FAN.TAS.TIC!!  And.  If you're a parent, I hope you're having honest talks with your children about their bodies and their sexuality.  That it's okay if they're greasin' the wheel.  Our pent up sexuality starts at home if we're brought up by parents who are insecure about their own sexual desires.  Or some bizarre Catholic guilt about growing hair on your hands and going to hell.  Left to their own devices our children are just as happy to wait until you turn out the lights and close the door so they can get their greedy little hands down there.  Right where they belong!

So.  Yeah.  I'm celibate when it comes to sexual relations with a partner.  That's a whole 'nother story that I'll share one day.  But.  For now.  I'm *not* sexually deprived.  I have one happy little pussy who looks forward to our time together. 

So.  Pack your bags everyone!  It's time for a little Masturbacation!!

Thoughts.. Out Loud

What a week it's been.  From the highest highs; to the lowest lows.  Bad karma, accusations, inspirational and heartfelt posts.  Oh, yes.  What a week it's been.

The Akita needed an update on her rabies shot and needed to be groomed.  She's also suffering from arthritis in her back knees and, in the mornings, we both shuffle and creak as we try and make our way around the house.  The irony of me taking her to the vet was not lost on me.  And, now she's on meds to help ease her pain.  And to see her feel so good is just, well, wonderful.  She's actually quite healthy and it's not time to let her go.  She's up and moving around like I haven't seen in months and months!  She's after the PUPPIESFROMHELL and playing and smiling and she is my bestest friend.  She feels my ups and downs and gives me exactly what I need when I need it. 

I babysat the grandpoobah while the oldest Spawn went to her new job.  After a bit of separation anxiety, he crawled over to sit with Grammie and I got tons of those *big mouth* kisses.  We played *monkey see monkey do*.  We played with his toys.  I watched him giggle when the PUPPIESFROMHELL were licking him and it made me smile.  I fed him his dinner.  And I put him to sleep in the portacrib in the spare bedroom.  Could anything be more perfect?

A friend that I used to work with; her sister in law was taken hostage last Sunday by her exboyfriend and was kept hostage until Monday afternoon when the police stormed the house.  She did not survive.  Her hostage taker had slit her throat.  She left a young teen daughter and a 6 year old son.  They will each go off to live with their respective fathers.  The man accused then attempted suicide in the jail and after they had stitched him up at the hospital, he attempted to escape by overtaking a corrections officer and was then shot.  He's now in critical condition. 

I caught up on my reading on PNN and was shocked to see the controversy still rearing its ugly head.  And comments that seem to imply an anonymous writer is actually one of the persons involved.  I do not believe that.  But, then it struck me.  What if those thoughts are about ME?  I can't fight that.  I won't.  If those are the feelings, then so be it.  Internet terriorism is exactly what it is and it can't be fought.  I read posts from folks trying to put things in order and was touched by the forthright manner in which these posts were written.  Can this issue finally be put to rest?

I read the post from Carmie about her two dads and thought about my own issues with my two dads.  I struggled with the self loathing that I've grown up with; two chances to have a *dad* and neither turned out well.  I felt her pain like a stab in my own heart and wanted to reach through the monitor and hug her.  I remembered when the Spawn were young and they would make Father's Day cards for me at school.  I still have them.  I rifled around in the box that I keep and found a few.  It helped ease some of the pain.  That my relationship with the oldest and youngest Spawn is starting to heal lifted my heart and my spirits.  Yet, a conversation with the middle Spawn reminded me there is still so much work to do. 

I sent an email to Hannah to share a story with her about an incident I was involved in when I was younger.  I wanted her to know that, even in those days, with no sexual harassment or hostile workplace laws to protect me, things worked out in my favor.  It felt good to reach out to her.  If what I had to say could help relieve some of her stress, then mission accomplished.  She brings a level of laughter into my life that can't be measured.  For that, I thank her. 

I did some additional research that my lawyer suggested.  The ex boss had implied in my termination letter that I was uncooperative with our WorkAbility department; pointing out dates that I was called and made no attempt to call them back.  This was a critical part of my returning to work after my short term disability was over.  I pulled my call logs and found that she had, again, blatantly lied.  Her whole premise for firing me has been blown away.  As a result, by law, it can be inferred that I was, in fact, fired due to my illness.  My case is rock solid.   

And, I made myself an extra thick chocolate milkshake.  A rare treat.  It soothed my empty stomach and satisfied a craving that probably had nothing to do with the milkshake. 

Yes, it was a week.  Today I'm sitting and doing what I always do.  Sending out resumes.  Doing what little housework I can at any given time.  And wishing I just had a job.  But, I feel the tide of life shifting.  Perhaps things will start to show an upswing.  Or perhaps, these are just..

Thoughts.. out loud.

Um.. Huh?

So, I've got a question. 

We've got Jon & Kate, which by the way, I have never watched, thank god.  We've got the coming show on the fuckoctomom, which by the way I will never watch.  And there are several other shows that focus on the home life of someone oruther. 

Point is.  Why on EARTH would anyone in their right mind allow themselves to be filmed like that?  Especially if they've got kids?  I don't care what twaddle they might tell themselves about how it can't happen to them; our family is too strong, stable, secure, happy, blah blah blah.  No one can handle the scrutiny of being filmed day after day without cracks appearing in the hardware.  And these shows THRIVE on the controversy. 

I've got a problem with parents who make decisons for themselves and think the kids will just "roll with the punches".  They think as long as they "explain" (eye roll) what's going on to the kids everything'll be fine.  The parents will make excuses that what they're doing is for the kids in the long run; college tuition for example.  But, by the time that kid is ready for college, they'll end up needing the coin for therapy. 

I admit I did it myself.  I made several decisions in my younger days that I thought were to the benefit of the Spawn.  And boy was I wrong!  But at least my decisions, and the subsequent consequences, were not captured on film for all eternity for the Spawn to be embarrassed by for the rest of their lives. 

Then, there are those reality shows about adults and what they do for a living.  I still feel a bit dirty when I watch them tear each other apart during some lousy argument.  But, they're adults and they're making a decision about themselves.  And for the money they're getting, I'm sure they're able to justify everything. 

Kids have become just another accoutrement; something expected and/or necessary to complete the package.  The whole thought of totally sacrificing yourself seems at odds with most parent's thinking these days.  "Oh, it's okay that I do this/say that.  Little Johnny isn't watching/listening anyway."  Kids are like life sized sponges.  EVERYTHING you do is heard/seen/absorbed by your kids.  And EVERYTHING you do affects them in some way or another. 

We can't shield our kids from each and every hardship that they may face.  That would be just as bad.  On the other hand, we don't have to let them reach up onto the stove so they can purposefully burn their fingers. 

I feel terrible for what those Gossling kids are going through.  I'm sure the reps for both parents are telling everyone that the kids are handling all the negative attention just fine.  And to that I say.

Um.  Huh?

Slightly Off Center

So, I've been feeling slightly off center here recently.  Not sure why.  Nothing in particular has happened.  Well, except for the Phreak; but, that was a good thing. 

Well.  No.  It had a down side.  The hotel messed shit up and now I have to deal with talking to corporate representatives, and send emails and generally pull up the bitch stakes and have at it.  If you remember my infamous plane trip to LAX, you know I'm a stickler for customer service.  I've spent almost my entire working life in some sort of customer service position.  And I LOVE it.  I like doing the shit that makes the customer happy just as much as I like putting on the "mommy voice" when I'm dealing with the dipwads.  It's what made me an excellent collections representative.  It's also why I rock as a litigation specialist. 

See, here's the thing.  When I get good service, I make a point of letting management know.  I'll call, send emails, make a personal appearance, whatever it takes to make sure that person gets recognized for doing their job and doing it well. 

Just as quickly, I'm going to point out the failure when the service just ain't up to par.  And because of that, I expect some sort of compensation.  It's that sense of punitive damages that is supposed to stop certain behaviors. 

I once called Burger King because the breakfast sandwich I ordered was wrong and I didn't know it until I was already at work.  I am NOT going back at that point.  So, the sandwich hits the trash.  "What's the big deal?" you ask?  "It's just a coupla bucks!"  The point is, these "coupla bucks" start adding up.  My compensation?  Ten coupons for a free breakfast sandwich. 

I called Rubbermaid because the drink container I bought had a leak in it.  I replaced it and the second one had a leak too.  My compensation?  Coupons to the tune of 30 bucks.  I bought a trashcan and much needed laundry baskets for the Spawn.  Oh, yeah.  And another container. 

I think one problem is that businesses have become so big.  I mean, we're not in Bedford Falls anymore.  And I think most people just think they won't have any impact.  And, well, that's just fucking wrong thinking.  I haven't run into one business that isn't willing to make something right.  Maybe not that minute.  But, they WILL do something.  And because they will do something, it's just fucking silly to walk around being pissy because you got some lousy service. 

This is why I don't shop during the holidays.  Except for the occassional trip to the grocery store; but only during the early morning hours; like 3:00am, I don't go anywhere.  My Christmas shopping is done by September.  The reason I do this is NOT because the customer service level experiences a SEVERE drop; it's more because of the goddamn customers walking around pissy about everything.  Geezus.  It's Christmas for chrissakes!  If you're not enjoying buying a gift for crazy Aunt Flo, then DON'T. DO. IT.  But, if you're going to walk around a mall and buy shit for people because you feel compelled to do so; then at least fucking ACT like you're enjoying yourself. 

Anyway, this really isn't the reason I'm feeling slightly off center.  Maybe the unemployment is getting to me.  The whole money thing.  Maybe it's the lack of medications.  Maybe it's the HORRENDOUS picture of me from the Phreak.  Fuck if I know.  The point is, when I'm feeling like this, I get a little pissy myself.  And, I'm not fond of feeling pissy.  Contrary to popular belief, I'm not pissy or filled with hateful rhetoric.  I prefer myself when I'm silly. 

And right now, I'm just feeling slightly off center. 

IT Came Today..

It came today. 

And.  It's beautiful.  A felt globe with the words, "half the world away" and a little key on a lace string. 

It arrived in a plain envelope; but, I knew, right away, what it was.  I wish I could take a picture and share it with you.  We all know the reason I can't.  Well, first, I have no camera.  More important, I'm a technofucktard and wouldn't be able to figure out how to do it anyway. 

Doesn't matter.  It's here.  With me. 

And on the first page I wrote: 

.. This journal was a gift from a fellow blogger on PNN.com.  A beautiful gift from a beautiful person and I dedicate it to her..               May 2009

The Gym?

You know what I hate?

Gym rats. 

Those compulsive, self obsessed, sweaty, narcissistic little fuckknobs.  Eating grapes and baby carrots and then spending HOURS upon HOURS working off the 12 whole calories they consumed. 

Wait.

This isn't going to show up as *anonymous*; is it?

Okay.

Nevermind.

I heart you hipchick  :)

Lest I be accused..

Lest I be accused of 'one upping'; this post is just stinging my fingers right now and I really need to get rid of it.  This would be a perfect opportunity for me to write in my brand, new journal.  I can't wait to receive it.  A journal that someone purchased for me; as a gift.  I hope that person understands how much they've touched me.  But, until I receive it, this is where I write.  Be grateful that I WILL have a journal soon.  You wouldn't believe the stuff I think and write down.  And, to be honest, I'm not ready to share all those things.

It's a holiday weekend and, well, I'll be alone all weekend.  My girlfriend has her new boyfriend that she's entertaining and my other great friend lives really far away.  So, it looks like I'll be sitting out on the back porch; me and the PUPPIESFROMHELL and Keeda.  The weather, so far, is beautiful. 

It's not worth putting something on the grill.  I don't mind leftovers; but, I don't care to eat the same thing for 4 days in row either. 

Hanna talked about her black cloud yesterday.  I know that cloud.  We are close friends.  The kind of friend I would rather not know.  I know how hard it was for her to find the 'sun' that day.  My heart just cried when she talked about it.  And, damnit.  She's a better man than me.  She knew it was coming down on her and she was prepared for the onslaught.

My problem is, I can't figure out if my dark day can be attributed to my depression or to my hypothyroidism.  The symptons are the same.  The other symptoms; losing my hair, skin turning a pasty grey color, eyes dull and without life.  These symptoms I know.  I'm trying to make arrangements to get back on my medications; but, it's a journey.  And, I'm just not up to it.  But,  If I were on my thyroid medication; I would know where the cloud was coming from.  As it is, I don't. 

I've never been a big drinker.  I can go months and months without havihng a drink.  I don't usually keep alcohol in my house; so, there's no temptation.  If I have friends over and they bring the booze, then it's there.  And most of the time, it'll sit there until "next" time. 

But, now, I find myself lured to the alcohol.  It's nothing more than self-medication.  I AM aware of that.  Please don't think that I'm oblivious to what's going on.  I just don't know which demon I'm satiating.  And, as we all know, the alcohol only serves to amplify the feelings.  At this point, these are not feelings I want amplified. 

I hope it rains tomorrow.  I love grey days.  Which is why I love the winter.  I'm not a big fan of winter sports; I mean, let's face it, with my lungs, there aren't many sports I AM into anymore.  But, I love the grey days.  I'm aware of Seasonal Affective Disorder; but, I don't think  that applies to me.  My mood can grey out even in the summer.  No, I just love a grey day.  I love the clouds as they come together; the dark clouds intermingling with the fluffy white ones. 

This just sort of hit me; within the last hour.  I know I won't see the Spawn this weekend.  In fact, I probably won't see the Spawn for some time.  And, I know that hurts me.  I wonder, if I just called them and apologized for everything I've ever done wrong from the moment they were born, would it change how they feel?  I'm pretty sure it wouldn't.  I wish they knew that I didn't wake up one day and think how wonderful it would be to burden my children with such pain. 

So, anyway.  I'm going to sit on the porch tonight.  I'll light the candles and just sit.  If I can abate the depression demon then at least I'll know that what's remaining is because I'm not on thyroid medication.  It's not that I'll be able to overcome what I'm feeling; it's just that I'll know where this is coming from. 

I feel better having written this.  I was sitting outside and the feelings were welling up inside me.  My neighbor was screaming and cursing at his kids; as usual; and, I think I used my outside voice when I said, "How can you talk to your children that way?  Don't you understand the damage you're causing?"  I need to keep my mouth shut.  I am, by no means, someone who should be pointing fingers in this arena. 

So, in case our emotional police officer is watching; let me be clear. 

I wrote this because I needed to.  I wrote this because I have no other venue to release these feelings.  And, I wrote this because I feel safe enough to do so here.  If you feel the need to accuse me of trying to 'one up' hanna; do me a favor.  Message me privately.  Don't try and reign your hatred down so as to encompass everyone in it's path. 

Lest I be accused; let it be just between you and me.

You Know Who You Are..

Okay.. I'm.. speechless.. really..

Well.. that's a lie 'cause I'm sitting here and planning on telling everyone about you..

WOW!  Like.. THANK YOU SO MUCH..

This is a lovely gift.. and that you've chosen to stay anonymous.. even better.. I mean.. I'd LOVE to thank you out right.. but.. WOW..

What?  Oh.. you don't know what I'm talking about?

Well.. it seems someone purchased a lovely journal from welshgrl2 for me.. as a present.. and I'm just so fucking flattered..

It's rare.. and I mean RARE.. that I'm left speechless.. and if I were in front of you.. in person.. I'd STILL be speechless.. but I'd be all hugging you and stuff.. and crying.. yeah.. see?  I'd be snivelin'.. all snotty faced.. hugging all over you..

Whoever you are.. THANK YOU.. you've really touched my heart.. and I can't WAIT to start writing my thoughts down in my wonderful new journal.. and the first page is dedicated to you.. my lovely.. wonderful.. PNN friend..

And damnit.. you know who you are..

The Monster behind the Monitor..

Hey!  You!  Yeah, YOU!

So.. you decided that someone's comment or article was nothing more than a "one up" huh?  Funny how you didn't have the courage to put your comment out in the open where we could ALL see it and call your pathetic.. cowardly.. mean-spirited.. oh why am I bothering.. you're not gonna stand up and admit it.. that's why you hide behind your monitor..

Look.. I've been around.. I've been in the chat rooms.. insults fly like the monkeys from Oz.. no one's there to look you in the face and take your cowardly ass to the mat..

And.. let's face it.. some people take out all their pent up rage and spew it in blogs.. people you'd never suspect in real life.. I'll admit.. I have a tendency to write twitters that are maudlin and self absorbed.. but.. you'd never believe I was that way if you met me in person.. 

I guess what's really upsetting me.. besides the message sent to IrishKate.. is that I didn't expect that type of behavior here.. in this forum.. I came here specifically because I saw this as an outlet for women to share life's experiences.. for future writers to hone their skills and working writers to reach out.. an opportunity to connect.. and with the two upcoming social events.. a chance to start meeting everyone in real life..

Tonight is our Girl's Night Out.. I'm kind of excited about co-hosting with chitowngirl.. no one will see me.. but I WILL be wearing my boa and tiara.. I've made my Bloody Mary mix and I'm bringing the Velveeta!  Here's my problem.. what if one of the ladies attending is the person who sent the message to kate?  I'm not the kind of person who says "I don't like you because so and so doesn't like you" .. nope.. that's not me.. but I AM the kind of person who would approach you and say.. "hey.. I heard you said such and such and I'd like to find out why".. I'm kind of direct like that.. even in real life.. I'm straight from the hip.. there is no one who knows me who doesn't know exactly where they stand with me.. I expect the same.. don't beat around the bush with me.. you'll just get stickers in your ass and I'll find out about it anyway..

And.. if that person attends tonight's little "do".. I want to talk to them.. I'd like to hear why they thought that sharing an experience comes off like "one upping".. I mean.. that would mean every conversation I have would be roped into that same category.. isn't that we do?  Someone shares a story.. an experience.. and if you can relate to it.. you feel encouraged to share yours.. where's the "one up"? 

You:  Oh.. I had (insert horrible.. debilitating illness) and this is what happened to me..

Me:  Wow.. that must have been quite difficult for you.. I'm sorry to hear it..

So.. what's the deal.. if I were to continue the conversation and say.. "well.. this happened to ME that I'd like to share with YOU" .. are you going to send some hate filled message to me too?   

I'm ashamed of you.. I really am.. whoever you are.. and I'm sure you'll have a good laugh at my expense tonight because I won't know who you are.. and until I do.. I'll treat you with respect.. but maybe.. one day.. I WILL find out who you are.. karma's a bitch and she'll rip you a new one when she's ready..

And.. until you come out of hiding and defend your position.. you'll be nothing more than the monster behind the monitor..

Housing Crisis

Writing has written a very compelling article on her page regarding the housing crisis.  It's well thought out and articulate, as she always is. 

But, with the deepest respect; I have to disagree with her. 

First, please remember this is what I do for a living.  I am a foreclosure litigation specialist.  In other words, I am what is referred to in the Courts as the Person Most Qualified *PMK*.  It was my responsibility to investigate the claims made by a debtor when they would file an Answer with Affirmative Defenses and/or Counterclaim to the foreclosure. I would then represent the bank during the lawsuit. 

There are several states who have passed laws which have attempted to override the contractual obligations in the mortgage.  Because of what is going on in the economy and the industry, there haven't been a lot of suits filed by the lenders/investors.  No law can be written which suplants a hand to hand contract.  Unfortunately, the cost would be overwhelming to the lenders if they were to appeal every decision handed down by the Court that was based on incorrect law.  The lenders have to pick their battles. 

An example is a lawsuit filed by the City of Baltimore against Wells Fargo.  The suit charges that Wells Fargo engaged in unethical practices by writing loans to people in the inner city; loans with high interest against UPBs (unpaid principle balance) calculated on inappropriately high appraisals on the property. 

How would anyone like the banks to proceed with higher risk debtors?  The reason higher interest is charged is because the debtor has, historically, defaulted on their obligations.  In order to protect the investment, higher interest is charged so that the bank can recoup some of its loss if the loan defaults.  That is why, when your mortgage is amortized, the majority of the payments in the beginning goes to interest.  This is the time in the mortgage that most people will default.  By the middle of the loan, you're paying about the same interest and principle; and, of course, at the end, it is almost all principle and very little interest. 

Wells Fargo has countered that the loans were made because the City of Baltimore had threatened suit stating that investors were staying away from writing loans in the inner city because they were, predominately, non-white communities.  This is blatantly untrue.  The loans weren't being written because people in the inner city do not have funds saved for down payments, do not make sufficient incomes to pay for their obligations; and, have lower credit scores. 

Ironically enough, the City of Baltimore has foreclosed on far more properties in the inner city for non-payment of city taxes than have been foreclosed on due to defaulted loans. 

The foreclosure process itself is a lengthy, and costly, investment for the lenders.  During the 30-90 default process, the lender has set up a collections/loss mitigation department to try and set up payment plans and/or loan modifications to assist the debtor so they can save their home.  At the 90-120 day default, a breach letter, or demand letter, is sent to the debtor.  This is when the lender is demanding the full past due amount before the loan goes into foreclosure. 

When the debtor calls in and is placed on a payment plan of any kind and then makes a payment against that plan, the default letter is void.  The debtor can then stop paying their mortgage until the loan is, again, at the 90-120 day default.  You have to be able to see how many times a debtor can do this. 

This also needs to be understood.  All these payment plans and loan modifications; there is NO mandatory obligation for ANY lender to offer these to the debtor.  There is NO clause in any mortgage that states that a lender has to offer loss mitigation to a debtor before they can foreclose.  There is; however, a clause in 95% of mortgages written that states that, regardless of ANY claim the debtor might have against the lender, either now or in the future, it does not negate the fact that the debtor is responsible to pay the mortgage on a monthly basis. 

As each payment plan is broken and the debtor goes back into the default process, their past due amount continues to climb.  Even if you disagree with the process of additional fees being added, there is an expense to processing the default letter and counsel is hired to represent the lender.  Should a debtor wish to reinstate the mortgage by paying the entire amount past due off, they must deal with the lender's counsel.  This is RARELY how this is handled.  Most of the time, the debtor is placed on some type of loss mitigation program. 

During the loss mit process, the debtor's financial obligations now have to be re-examined; just like when the loan was first written.  This is when it becomes obvious that the majority of these debtors do not have the understanding it takes to own a home.  They have diluged themselves in non-secured debt; they are taking "paycheck" loans; their credit cards are maxed out.  Since they're not making their mortgage payments; what are they doing with that extra money that is now available to them?  They are living above their means.  Period.  Some of the people who attempt to qualify for loss mitigation do not have sufficient income to support their mortgage any longer..  This is not due to a loss of income (although I will admit this is becoming more and more of an issue).  It has to do with their other obligations.  They have, effectively, lost their home on their own. 

A breech letter is written to demand payment within 30 days or the foreclosure process can begin.  It is rare that a breech letter will expire and the foreclosure process starts the following day.  There can be a laspe of several months in some cases.  This is due to the overwhelming number of foreclosures.  This is also a benefit to the debtor.  The lender is not obligated to accept any payments after the breech letter expires.  More often than not, though, they will.  If the debtor can reinstate the loan and start preforming it again, this would be the preferred outcome. 

Then there is the foreclosure process itself.  If you have any idea how a lawsuit works; you'll know that for every suit filed, there are obligatory time frames to allow the respondent to answer.  So, when the foreclosure is filed, the debtor is given the opportunity to respond.  They can file an Answer; basically stating that the claims of the lender are correct and they have no response.  They can file an Answer with Affirmative Defenses.  This is where they state the loan is in default; but, they believe they have mitigating factors.  Finally, they can file a Counterclaim where they state they are not in default and they have claims of their own to support this. 

This process can takes years depending on the lawsuit, the debtor's counsel and the state the debtor lives in.  During this time, the lender is paying for all taxes and insurance as well as losing interest on the loan on a monthly basis.  They are also paying their counsel.  Only the foreclosure counsel is retained on a monthly basis.  Counsel hired to defend these lawsuits are paid hourly. 

Based solely on the process; from filing through discovery, depositions, hearings; and finally, trial, this process can take 18 to 36 months. 

In order to start fixing the problems within the mortgage industry, which is separate from the credit industry, we have to take the uncomfortable stand that not every American can own a home.  They are not financially stable enough.  The government demanded that lenders "soften" their regulations to allow people without a 20% down payment and/or high credit scores be allowed to purchase homes.  This was a huge mistake; a perfect example of government taking too much control of a private industry.  Prior to this, foreclosure was a rare occurrence.  This is because the debtor had invested money into the property they were buying.  They saw it not only as their home; but as their future.  

We must go back to writing loans to people who have higher credit scores; have jobs which show that, not only can they make an existing mortgage payment, but that they will continue to grow in their career and their income will support increased taxes and insurance throughout the years.  There must be an initial investment by the debtor.  Where the lenders can start fixing the problem of homes left unsold after foreclosure is to begin to offer these homes as rentals.  Personally, I'm not sure how this could be handled.  It would be the obligation of the lender to then become a leasing agency. 

I don't have all the answers to the problems.  I have no claim to be an economist.  What Congress has to do is the hard job of dealing with the problem and not with their constituency.  It's not easy to hear that you might be unable to own a home in your lifetime; but that is where we must start.  Owning a home is a privilege.  It is not a right.  And being responsible for a mortgage is an obligation.

THIS. JUST. HAPPENED.

Okay.  So.. like I"m sitting here.  Trying to figure out if this avatar is REALLY me. 

First thought.  God.  My life has devolved so completely that the most important decision I make today is whether or not a pissy little frog truly reflects my inner soul.  Which, in the file folder of life, is somewhere between the "is it worth showering today" tab and the "count the cobwebs in the ceiling" tab. 

And then the phone rings.  And, since she's already called me before and she's now in my contacts list, I know who it is!  It's hipchick!  

So.. I figure she's calling about the Philly Phreak so I answer the phone.. ALLEY!

And she says, "Huh?" 

Evidently she was trying to call her Mom and hit the wrong little button. 

Now.  If her contact list is like MY contact list, it's in alphabetical order.  So, how did I end up in the M's?

Miserable Bitch?

ManicDepressive Pyscho?

ManHating Horny Skank?

The list, I fear, is endless.  And I care not to know. 

So.  We shared a laugh and then she went back to work.

I can't WAIT till June 6th!

So.. there's that

To My Dear PNN Friends:

Leigh likes me best. 

So.. there's that